275 ~ Transform Your Life: It's Not Them, It's You

Hello Magical Human & welcome back to Madison Mindset the Podcast 🧚🏼

episode overview:
• seeing our emotional triggers as reflections of our inner world 
• importance of self-awareness 
• our childhood identity shapes our adult experiences 
• forgiveness & releasing blame
• finding peace by letting go of unrealistic expectations 
• everyone is doing the best they can 
• exploring personal responsibility as a path to freedom and joy 

Blame often clouds our ability to enjoy healthy relationships, but recognising that "it's not them, it's you" can bring clarity. Join me for this episode where we explore how self-awareness, accountability, and acceptance of imperfection can transform our interactions and personal growth. 

Look within 🪬📿🪞

Love,

Madison Mindset xx

Chapters

• 0:00 Taking Responsibility for Your Reactions
• 14:39 Embracing Imperfection for Peace and Joy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

When you understand that the person you're in a relationship with whether that's friendship, family kind of relationship or romantic relationship or, you know, child, parent or whatever it is all kinds of relationships they will go smoother once you understand that everyone is doing the best they can.

Speaker 2: 0:22

Hello, magical Human and welcome to Madison Mindset Podcast. My name is Madison. I'm a yoga teacher, a mindset and spirituality coach and a complete earth fairy. I see a world that is peaceful and easy to live in, that is peaceful and easy to live in, humans that are awakened and enlightened towards who they are and what life truly is and why we are here. I understand life can be really hard.

Speaker 2: 0:57

I've had a huge journey with anxiety myself. I understand what it's like to feel overwhelmed, overworked, stressed and frustrated within this earth. It is this journey that led me to begin my own growth journey. It is only through those struggles that I was able to birth this podcast so that you can have the tools and techniques and knowledge to help you step forward and be a being of light, a magical earthly being who's grounded, supported, who takes on challenges with love and embraces the lessons that each day brings. Challenges with love and embraces the lessons that each day brings you are that being. I am here to walk you there. You will find many different kinds of episodes through this podcast. All are created in the moment and with love for you. Find the one you need for this moment and enjoy. Take a moment for yourself, sit down with your journal and tune in to Madison Mindset the podcast.

Speaker 1: 2:35

I hope you are well. In this episode we're doing a little bit of a fun episode. Little bit of a fun episode. Fun meaning confronting, con-fun-ting. It's fun, it's going to be fun.

Speaker 1: 2:53

So this episode is it's not them, it's you. So you may have heard these words being said. It's usually in movies and things like that and people talk about you know, it's not, it's not you, it's me. You know, and people using this, and it's kind of widely accepted that when someone says this to you, it means it is you. You know, it's just kind of a way to not let them hurt your feelings or whatever it is. So we know this phrase this is not you, it's me, it's kind of like a saver, so you don't have to deal with someone else's emotions and yeah, so it's a phrase that everyone's very familiar with. But I kind of want to turn that around and say, instead of it's not you, it's me, actually look at it in a different sense and say it's not them, it's not them, it's you, meaning everyone, everyone out there. It's not them, it's not that they said this or that they did that or that they think this or that they believe that it's not about the fact that they may have done this or made that mistake or did whatever it is. It's not any of those people, it's you. We have to stop putting the blame on everyone else but ourselves. Okay, if someone triggered you, it's not about them, it's about you. If someone upset you with something that they said or something that they did, it's not about them, it's about you. If someone upset you with something that they said or something that they did, it's not about them, it's about you. If a social media post made you feel a certain way, it's not them, it's you. It's our reaction to what's going on. It's our inner programming. It's the way that we are put together. It's the way that we are functioning as human beings. It is us, it is always us.

Speaker 1: 4:52

When we're very young, we form an identity. Very, very young. You know we're talking, you know, lower than eight, seven years old, you form an identity and you can like this to putting on a pair of glasses. You know, you have your set of beliefs, you have your set of ideas what is right, what is wrong, your sense of self right and you put this on like a pair of glasses and then we walk around the rest of our life with this pair of glasses on, and these glasses they have like a filter, so you're not seeing things for how they are. You're seeing things in alignment with your belief system, in alignment with your identity, in alignment with what you think is good and bad, and wrong and right. You see all the things in that way. Your sense of self is reflected by everything that you're feeling on the inside. So when you see something on the outside, those glasses, your sense of self, turn that into something that aligns with who you are or something you believe about yourself.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Okay, so, for example, if someone makes you upset because they looked you up and down or because they gave you some feedback, or because they said something that you felt like was quite nasty, your reaction to that is a reflection of you. Okay, so it's never about what happens on the outside. You know, maybe someone you know, maybe they did make a mistake, maybe they did do something wrong, absolutely, potentially, but maybe not, because all of us have different ideas of wrong and right, right, good and bad. We all have different ideas of this. Okay, besides your standard, things like don't hurt people, all these kinds of you know we have the standards, but in terms of interpersonal relationships and life, there is no one is out to get you. We make mistakes, people will cut you off in traffic, your partner will irritate you and say things that trigger past wounds from old relationships or reflecting the relationship you had with your parents. You know your colleagues and your boss can trigger feelings of inadequacy and lack and fear. You know all of it comes from the inside. It's not about any of these external situations, these other people. It is about you. It's always about you. It's not them, it's you.

Speaker 1: 7:31

Now, this is sometimes the hardest thing to understand and it is something that holds most of us back in the growth world, the mindset world, because you cannot cultivate a life of peace, harmony, joy, love, contentment and constant growth and evolution when you are blaming your circumstances, your feelings, everything about your life on other people. Okay, and this is incredibly hard to do. Why? Because it's much easier to put the blame, to put the reasons, why, to put the. You know why I'm so unfortunate, why I'm so unlucky. It's so much easier to put that onto someone else than on your own shoulders.

Speaker 1: 8:25

Okay, we are all given a set of circumstances in this life. Some of us have better ingredients than others. I'm not going to say that we, this life, some of us have better ingredients than others. I'm not going to say that we don't. Some of us are born into better situations than others. Nevertheless, we are born into the situation that we are put in. That is, the cards you've been dealt. They are the ingredients you've been given, given From there. It's up to you to decide if you would like to move away from that, if you would like to evolve from that. What are you going to make out of these ingredients? It's completely your decision, okay, it's completely your decision as to what you make, who you become, what you believe right.

Speaker 1: 9:10

It is easier to put the blame on everybody else. It's their fault. It's my mum's fault, it's my dad's fault, it's my sister's fault, you know. It's my boss's fault, it's my. It's the government's fault, it's these. It's fault, fault, fault. We can put all the fault on the other people, and that's what most people do, and then we complain about it, and then nothing ever changes. And that's what most people do, and then we complain about it, and then nothing ever changes. It's not a productive solution.

Speaker 1: 9:37

What would be better? What if we turn that around and go. Everything that's happening in your life, whether it is great or horrible, it's a reflection of you. Okay, give me a second. What if everything that's ever happened to you and everything that ever will happen to you, good or bad, is a reflection of you? Or it is something that you've attracted through your frequency, or it is something that you personally need to grow through? We all know that life throws us difficulties, loss, pain, grief. No one is immune to this, and if you're immune to it right now, you won't be forever. It's part of life to deal with these things. We're all going to deal with it. What if it's not life's fault or anyone else's fault? What if it's just life? What if it's just how it is? What if it's just life? What if it's just how it is?

Speaker 1: 10:38

Let's pretend for a moment that your mother did the best she could, that your father did the best he could, that your family did the best they could with the tools they had and the person, the people that they were in that moment. Let's assume that your partner is doing the best that they can, that your friends are doing the best they can, that your boss, your colleagues, are all doing the best they can with the current version of themselves that they are. Now. You might look at their effort or what they're doing and go well, that's a pretty lousy best. That's your opinion, okay, there is no textbook for best and worst. You can't compare it to anything. Okay, if you think they did a lousy job, that's your perspective. That's your idea.

Speaker 1: 11:23

The reality is, you don't know what it's like to be inside their head, and we're all walking around with our own set of rules and identities and beliefs and fears, and we're all walking around with our own identity makeup. We're all walking around with our own set of glasses on that has a filter in it and, of course, we clash. We clash and we trigger each other and we get into all these issues and that's not going to change, okay. Well, what I want to try and help you understand in this episode that if you were looking for a life of peace, of ease, of love, of joy, of simplicity, then you need to stop putting the blame on everyone else. You need to stop looking at everybody else and telling them or having in your head how they should act, what they should be, what they could do, what they need to do all this stuff. People are doing the best they can and relationships you'll find that they last when you understand that the person you're in a relationship with whether that's friendship, family kind of relationship or romantic relationship or child, parent or whatever it is all kinds of relationships they will go smoother once you understand that everyone is doing the best they can.

Speaker 1: 12:46

And the reality is we're human beings. We're not perfect. We make mistakes. We've got our own set of traumas, set of beliefs, set of rights and wrongs and good and bad and things that we've struggled with. We've got our self-worth stuff going on. We've got stories about ourselves, about life. We've got our own spiritual beliefs, sometimes religious beliefs. We've all been through a hand-picked portion of experiences that were meant for us and we've all made mistakes. We've all been imperfect. It doesn't matter. Stop trying to make no mistakes. It's impossible.

Speaker 1: 13:28

Stop assuming that everyone needs to stop making mistakes around you, that everyone can be perfect, that every job is going to be perfect, that every experience, every holiday is going to be perfect. Stop assuming that when you assume that you are guaranteed misery, suffering because things aren't perfect, they're. That when you assume that you are guaranteed misery, suffering because things aren't perfect, they're not going the way that they should be, or poor me, I'm going to complain about it. And the cycle continues. If we instead assume that everyone is doing their best our job and our clients, our students, our whatever are doing the best they can. Our job and our clients, our students, our whatever are doing the best they can. Customers doing the best they can. Our body is doing the best it can. The reality is it's a body. It's imperfect, right. The customers come on. They're imperfect, right, we know that it's fine. Children doing the best they can, but they're imperfect, right. Parents doing the best they can, but they're imperfect, right. Everything, even life. Life is doing the best it can, but it's imperfect. This is the reality of the world we live in. This is the reality of earth.

Speaker 1: 14:39

Why is it fair that some seeds die while others thrive? Why is it fair that some seeds die while others thrive? Why is it fair that some parts of the world live in eternal winter while other parts of the world are in eternal summer? Why is it fair that fish can breathe underwater but we can't? And why is it fair that sometimes you end up with a bite from a spider or a snake or a something you know? You think why I wasn't trying to get the snake. Why did it bite me? I wasn't trying to get this. You know this spider. Why did it get me? It's not fair. It's life. Expect it. Expect. This is how things happen. You're going to make mistakes, everyone's going to make mistakes. Everyone's going to make mistakes, everyone's doing their best, but it's imperfect.

Speaker 1: 15:26

Okay, once you start living by this, everything around you thrives, including your own self, because you start to communicate more clearly. You start to speak to people about what you need, about what you want. You start to hear other people when they say you know, I'd prefer it if you did it this way next time and you go that's fair enough, awesome. You start to understand the relationship between yourself and all of life. You have to step out of the poor me. It's not fair mindset. No more blaming, no more guilt, no more anger at people. Even if you think someone is a cranky, you know. Insert whatever word you want and they should do a lot better. You have no idea about their story. You don't know about what they're going through. Could they do better? Of course, but they're not in that moment and we all have those moments. So until we're perfect, we should never expect anyone else to be perfect. And guess what? You'll never be perfect. So we can pretty much put that to bed the idea of everyone being perfect, the idea of everyone being perfect.

Speaker 1: 16:44

Once you accept this and you start to work with this, there is freedom, there is fun, there is joy, there is peace. I have found myself, you know, maybe, stubbing my toe on something, or you know it starts to rain and I've got washing on the line, or just something irritating the things that happen in life and you're like, really line, or just something irritating the things that happen in life, and you're like, really, I have found myself in those very moments, the ones where I used to get cranky and pissed off and whatever else. I have found myself in those moments laughing and thinking how hilarious it is that life does this sometimes. You know that things happen like this. I found myself wondering, wow, I really am with the right partner. You know, he triggers me and helps me massively. That is so good. That is so good for us, beautiful, and we have open communication and we clear things up. That's perfect. You know, that is perfect for what life is. We have to find peace with how things are, and the sooner you do that, the more peace and love and joy you will experience. You will start to see everything as beautiful exactly as it is. You'll be open to forgiveness for yourself and for others, and life gets simpler.

Speaker 1: 18:11

So for this week, let's try. You know the minute you want to blame someone or go oh, this person did and this person did that. As soon as you fall into that, why don't you turn it around and go wait, it's not them, it's me. What is this saying about me? How are these glasses I'm wearing about my reality? How has that been affected by what that person did over there? They didn't do anything wrong, necessarily. Why did it make me feel the way it did or react the way I did? This is powerful stuff. This work will help transform your life. It will bring more peace and joy into your life, more freedom. If you would like that and that is something that you would like to experience more of this is all you have to do. It's very simple. It's not them, it's you. It's not them, it's me.

Speaker 1: 19:06

I will be going deeper into this on the Magical Mindset subscription on Patreon, so feel free to go and check that out. The link is in the show notes below. We're going to work together on really diving into some of the things that may have recently upset us and using that to teach us how to interact with life in a way that is more peaceful, more aligned, so that we can have more joy in our life. So if you'd like to suss that out and check it out with us, you can go over there now. Again, the link is below. There are already eight coaching sessions over there waiting for you and heaps of extended episodes from the podcast. Thank you for being here, magical human. Please like and subscribe to the podcast, share it, tag me on your insta stories and share a review or rating if you feel called to, on whichever platform you're on. I really appreciate it. Sending you so much love. I'll chat to you soon. Love, appreciate it. Sending you so much love. I'll chat to you soon, love.